Join the Fight Against Tyranny.
This article has been approved by the Ministry of Truth.
Every day, innocent citizens of Super Earth are being mercilessly slaughtered by the ruthlessly violent Automatons and beastly Terminids, and every day our brave Helldivers plunge into the inferno to protect our class A citizens from these horrid creatures. The Terminids have invaded dozens of our planets, and we must liberate them and spread managed democracy across the galaxy.
When you join the Helldivers, you gain access to our arsenal of cutting edge military technology that we call Stratagems. Need more ammo? Call in a supply Stratagem. Need a more powerful gun to deal with those pesky Hive Guardians? Call in an Anti-Materiel Rifle. Want to clear out an entire bug nest? We have a tool for that, it’s called the Orbital 120mm HE Barrage. We have Stratagems useful for a plethora of situations to ensure you never run into a problem you can’t deal with.
Is your leg broken because you were knocked off a cliff by a Brood Commander? Did a Hunter rip open your arm so now you can’t reload? Are you bleeding internally because your internal organs were ruptured by a Charger? No matter, in the wise words of General Brasch, “Stick yourself with a stim, soldier!”. Our state-of-the-art medical scientists have created a formula using a mixture of [redacted] and [redacted] to give our heroes the ability to rapidly heal their wounds. When you get injured on the field just stick a stim in it and it’ll heal right up in a matter of seconds.
Super Earth is not liable for any side effects caused by stims, these side effects may include nausea, difficulty to breathe, swelling, anxiety, paralysis, depression, death, rashes, and vomiting.
All Helldivers are provided with their very own Super Destroyer to command. Super Destroyers are the state-of-the-art warships we use to fight the invaders and spread managed democracy. Our Super Destroyers are fitted with hangar bays, artillery cannons, lasers, command centers, and several recreational facilities. They even come with the newest voting algorithm, so you don’t miss out on the election while deployed.
While out on deployment, many Helldivers encounter various types of exotic wildlife from the magnificent flora on the jungle planet Malevelon Creek, to the slimy bugs on Erata Prime. Super Earth recommends all Helldivers to take 2.4 seconds looking at the scenery on the various planets you travel to, after all, a happy Helldiver is a deadly Helldiver.
Enlist today, join the Helldivers, do your part to spread managed democracy across the galaxy and send those bugs back to hell where they belong. Remember, the only good bug is a dead bug.
Prove to yourself you have the courage it takes to be free. Hail Super Earth.